The Guilt
by adromir
Summary: When Sam feels guilty after failing to stop a kid from committing suicide, Ed sits down with him to show his support. Only they both end up drunk soon afterwards.


**Hey, guys. I know I mentioned that I will come back in early November. But somehow I managed to squeeze some writing time between my tight schedule. And here it is, a one-shot fic about Sam and Ed. I just love how this two connect throughout the series. And I think only Sam calls Ed 'Boss' once in a while. ;)  
**

**Anyway, enjoy.  
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**WARNING : Contain spoilers from Season 5. Do not read if you hate spoilers.  
**

**SUMMARY : When Sam feels guilty for failing to stop a kid from committing suicide, Ed sits down with him to show his support. Only they both end up drunk soon afterwards. Some SED and JAM moments.**

* * *

Ed Lane walked out of the shower, a towel wrapped around his waist. Heading towards his locker, he frowned to see a remaining teammate there. He thought everyone had left for home after that day's last debriefing.

"Hey, Sam. You're alright?" the team leader quietly asked.

Sitting on the bench, staring at his feet, Sam didn't bother to look up. He simply nodded, albeit forlornly. "Yeah, Ed. I'm okay."

Ed's frown grew deeper. "Are you sure you're okay? You look kinda pale."

Sam easily shrugged. "Fine. I'll put on some blusher and lipstick."

Rolling his eyes at the weak pun, Ed went to sit next to the younger man. "Why are you still here? I thought you'd gone home already. With Jules."

"I don't feel like going home," Sam glumly replied. "And I'm not a good company for Jules right now, so I told her to head home first. I need some time alone."

Ed gave his mate a scrutinizing look. "Is this about the kid? You're still beating yourself over it?"

Sighing, Sam ran both hands through his golden hair and clasped them behind his neck. He continued to gaze at his boots and said, "It's my fault, Ed. I couldn't save him."

"No one's blaming you, Sam. You did everything you could to stop him from shooting himself in the head."

"But I didn't do enough!" Sam looked up then, and Ed saw the anguish in his clear blue eyes. "Maybe it was something I said. I pushed him too far, too hard. And he just snapped. I triggered it. It wasn't supposed to end like this."

"Look, you did nothing wrong," Ed reassured him. "You said all the right words, you connected with him. That was a real good talk, Sam."

"And still he killed himself." Sam groaned, burying his face in his hands. "God, Ed. He was only fourteen. I should have let Jules take over the negotiation. She's much more capable getting through a teenager's head."

"Stop talking like that!" Ed snapped back, fighting the wild urge to throttle his teammate. "You're a good negotiator, Sam. We all are. But we don't get to win every time. There are certain times when people just don't want to be saved. It's their choice, you get that? We just do our job, the rest is up to them."

Sam raised his head, his gaze bleak as he stared into his opened locker. "So why do I feel like I've failed terribly? Why do I feel so…so useless?"

"Sam," Ed said, draping a comforting arm around his mate's shoulders. "Just because it doesn't end the way you want it to, doesn't mean that you're useless. That kid was way beyond our help, no matter what you did or said. You can't continue blaming yourself like this. The team needs you to be strong. Damn it, _I_ need you to be strong. I need you to back me up if I start falling apart here."

Slowly, Sam turned to look at his team leader. He had heard the sharp edge in Ed's voice, and he bet it had everything to do with May Mitchell, the girl whom Ed had to shoot dead atop the Royal York Hotel just a month ago.

The unexpected twist to that hot call had great impact on all of them. Raf had decided to leave the team because of it, before Leah returned to fill up the vacant place. While the rest of Team One blamed it on their own judgmental error, it was Ed who had to live with the guilt for cutting short the life of a talented and beautiful young woman. He was the one who had to pull the trigger, killing her instantly in front of her parents' horror-filled eyes. His action was straightly by the book, and Ed was clear of any wrongdoing. However, though he had done everything right, didn't mean it would feel right.

Having accidentally shot dead his own best friend several years ago, Sam could relate to what Ed was going through. The guilt and remorse, they wouldn't simply go away. The pain would stay with you for a very long time. You might forgive yourself in the end but you won't be able to forget. Not ever.

Swallowing hard, Sam reached up to give Ed's fist a squeeze. "I heard that May's mom came over to talk with you."

Ed nodded. "She came to tell me…to tell me that she forgives me."

He then chuckled without humor, "I killed her only daughter and she forgives me, can you believe it? If it were _my_ daughter, if it were Izzy or Clark, I won't be so merciful."

"You don't know that," Sam said as he patted Ed in the back, their roles now reversing. "What you did on that rooftop, that was the hardest thing that anyone could do. Only the strongest of us would be able to pull that trigger and live with it. That girl's mother knew the tough times you're now facing, Ed. She knew you were only doing your job and that you had no other choice. That's why she forgives you. And so should you."

Blinking back the sudden moisture in his eyes, Ed shared a long gaze with his teammate. A while later, he broke into soft laughter. "Look at us, Samo. A pair of pathetic guilt-ridden idiots. And they call us the team leaders."

Sam grinned. "_You_ are the team leader. I'm just your deputy, kinda."

Ed wrapped an arm around his friend's neck and playfully strangled him. "Oh, no. Don't you try to escape this one. I know how badly you've coveted to lead a team of your own."

"That was before I realized that Team One is the only place I want to be and that it already has the best team leader."

"Not exactly the best, Sam." Ed shook his head with a sad smile. "But I'm trying."

After a thought, Sam said, "Hey, wanna go out and get shit-faced after this?"

Ed stared back in surprise. "Say what?"

"Never mind," Sam quickly said. "It's a stupid idea. Forget I ask."

"No, that's okay. I think I like to get drunk with you."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. I mean, we're in this together, right? We're feeling sorry for ourselves, might as well share it over some drinks. Besides, we're off duty tomorrow, so we will have the entire day soaking up the hangover."

Sam's grin was back. "What would Sophie say?"

"What would _Jules_ say?"

"She'll bite my head off, no doubt about it."

"And Soph are gonna kick my ass, I guarantee it."

"So, it's a date then?"

"You bet it is, Samo!" Ed laughed, clapping Sam's back none too gently.

"Great. I'll go shower and change," said Sam, rising to his feet. "Uh…we're not going to The Goose, are we?"

"And stumble upon other SRUs? No, I have other bar in mind."

"Cool. But I think we'd better leave your car here and just take a cab there."

Ed frowned. "Oh? Why is that?"

"What, you want to get pull over for DUI afterwards?" said Sam. "When I said we're gonna get shit-faced, I mean we're gonna get real stinking shit-faced we would regret it in the morning!"

* * *

"_Yesterday…all my troubles seemed so far away…now it looks as though they're here to stay…oh, I believe in yesterday…." *****  
_

It was half past one in the morning, and the peaceful silence of the neighborhood was suddenly shattered by the loud duet of the two drunkards. Both men had good baritone voices, but they sang so off-key it sounded close to caterwauling. Tittering like loons as they sang, the men supported each other's weight as they stumbled down the street, swaying dangerously every which way.

"_Suddenly…I'm not half the man I used to be…there's a shadow hanging over me…oh, yesterday came suddenly…"_

Someone from the nearby house shoved open a window and yelled angrily at them, "Aw, shaaaduuuup!"

Sam paused and yelled back, "_You_ shut up!"

"If you don't stop that noise, I'm gonna call the cops!"

Ed and Sam exchanged looks, and then fell hard against each other as they roared with mirth. "But we _are_ the cops!"

As the man disappeared inside the house, undoubtedly to make the call, a jeep came bearing down fast from behind them. It stopped with a screech in their path, blocking their way. The driver immediately got out and confronted the two drunken SRU officers.

Sam and Ed blinked in surprise when they realized who it was. "_Jules_?"

"Of course, it's me," she snapped, opening the rear door. "Now get in!"

"Get in?" They continued to stare stupidly at her.

Rolling her eyes, Jules repeated, "Yes, get in. _Now_! Before you guys get arrested for public disturbance."

Ed easily shrugged. "If you say so, Officer Callaghan."

As the team leader crawled into the back seat, Sam meanwhile was giving her a lascivious grin. "So you're arresting me, officer? Aren't you going to cuff me?"

"Oh, sure." With that, Jules raised her arm and cuffed him upside the head. Hard.

"Owww!" Sam yowled, stumbling back into the jeep before collapsing next to Ed.

"Please, God. Why me?" Jules grumbled out loud at the sky above. Slamming the back door shut, she then got behind the wheel and quickly drove away.

"What the hell were you guys thinking?" Jules fumed, glaring at them through the rearview mirror. They simply stared sheepishly back at her, goofy smiles on their faces.

Shaking her head, she added, "When Sophie called me a half hour ago to say that Ed hasn't returned after you guys went out together for a drink, I knew you've done something incredibly silly. I searched everywhere for you. I thought you've gotten into troubles. Have you no idea how worried we are?"

Both men had the grace to look abashed as they mumbled, "Sorry."

Jules glanced at the rearview mirror again, and had to bite down another round of venting. Sobered now, Ed and Sam sat there shoulder-to-shoulder with their heads down. They resembled a picture of pure misery that she actually felt sorry for them both.

A short while later, they arrived at Ed's house.

"Stay there," Jules told Sam as she helped their team leader out of the vehicle. With her arm supporting Ed around the waist, she steered him up the driveway. Sophie was already waiting in the doorway, looking both relieved and annoyed.

"Thank goodness you found them, Jules," Sophie said, supporting her husband's other side as they led him into the house.

"And I was just in time," Jules explained, "If not, we might have to bail them out of jail. They were making such a ruckus I could hear them from two blocks away."

Sophie rolled her eyes. She carefully lowered Ed onto the foldout couch in the living room. He zonked out and started to snore almost immediately.

As she slipped the shoes off his feet, Sophie wondered, "What's going on here, Jules? Ed has been quite depressed lately. Is he in trouble?"

Jules smiled back, reassuringly. "He's having a tough time at work. He and Sam both. But don't worry. Everything will turn out fine, sooner or later."

"Sure it will." Sophie nodded and walked Jules to the door. "Thank you for bringing Ed home. I was really worried when he didn't answer my call. I'm grateful that you went out to find him and Sam."

"No problem at all, Soph." Jules gave the other woman a brief hug before leaving. "Take care of Ed."

"And you take care of Sam. I have a feeling they're gonna need us real bad tomorrow."

"I feel that way too," Jules said with a laugh and walked back to her jeep. Before driving off, she turned in her seat to watch Sam. He was lying curled on his side in the backseat, already dead to the world.

Jules shook her head. "Now how in the world am I going to get you into the house, comatose like that?"

* * *

Late next morning, Jules' phone rang. After a brief glance at the bathroom, she rushed off to answer it.

"Hello, Jules." It was Sophie.

"Hey, Sophie. How is it going? How's Ed?"

The other woman chuckled. "He still looks green around the gills. Serves him right. How's Sam?"

Jules cringed to hear another round of retching coming from the bathroom. "Still upchucking. You know any good remedies for hangover? The one that works, I mean."

"I suggest Advil or Tylenol. A glass of tomato juice add with pepper might also help. That's what I gave Ed just now."

"And I gave Sam some banana milkshake. That's when he started vomiting. Maybe I shouldn't have cracked an egg into it."

Sophie reassured her, "That is a good remedy, Jules. That means he's flushing everything out of his system."

"Yeah, but he keeps swearing that the bananas are gonna kill him!"

Still laughing, they both rang off. Sam unsteadily walked out of the bathroom then. Moaning, he plopped himself onto the couch, a hand over his closed eyes. "God. Can somebody just shoot me and be done with it?"

Jules went to wet a towel with cold water at the sink. She returned and carefully lifted Sam's head onto her lap as she sat down.

"Oh, you poor baby," she crooned, pressing the damp towel against his sweaty face. "Want to get shit-faced again, Sammy dear?"

"No. No more," he shook his head, and quickly gulped down some hot bile. "I've learned my lesson."

"You're sure? I can always fix you a mean Bloody Mary. I have all the ingredients right here in the fridge—"

"_Jules_…" he whined, turning greener than ever.

Chuckling, she leaned down and kissed his nose. "Just kidding, sweetheart. You know, if you're feeling out of sort, or if something is bothering you, you don't need to drink yourself silly to forget it. You can always talk to me."

"I know."

"Then why didn't you?"

Sam opened his eyes and gazed at her. "Sometimes the best company for misery is another man's misery. It helps me realize that I'm not the only wretched ones. There are others with far bigger problems to think of. I can make myself feel better by making others feel better."

"Do you? Feel better?"

"I still feel like I'm dying here, honestly." Sam managed a wan smile, though there was warmth in his eyes. "But Ed and I, we had a good talk last night. Sure, we did something very stupid. We let our hair down a bit too much. But we understand each other more. It won't be easy, but with us watching each other's backs and knowing what to expect, I believe we can face anything that comes our way."

Jules smiled. "I'm glad to hear that, Sam. For your sake and Ed's."

Linking their hands together, Sam brought her palm to his lips. "Thank you, Jules, for being here for me. I cannot do this without you."

"Ah, you're just saying that so you can get a taste of my famous banana milkshake. I can make you another one, and this time I'll crack two eggs instead of one—"

Covering his mouth, Sam abruptly leapt to his feet and ran for the bathroom.

"Or should I mix in some vinegar too?" she asked sweetly.

"_Jules_…"

Giggling, she ceased teasing Sam and went to assist him at the commode.

**THE END**

*** A scene I stole from the hilarious movie 'Bean', starring Mr. Bean. LOL!  
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**Okay, guys. I hope that makes you smile. Thank you for reading. See you later soon!**

**Adromir signing out. ^_^**


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